


Humans Don't Hide It Well

by VotumStellarum



Series: The Only Five Humans [6]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Banter, Confessions, Friendship, Hanging out and catching up, M/M, More Confessions, Morning After, jsyk, klance, ٩( ᐛ )و
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-16
Updated: 2017-06-16
Packaged: 2018-11-09 18:01:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11109921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VotumStellarum/pseuds/VotumStellarum
Summary: It's been just over a spiconian movement since Shiro initiated the team talk inThe Only Five Humans.Lance, Pidge, Hunk and Keith all come clean about various things going on.  Keith and Lance try to act normal, but Pidge is changing the definition of "normal” around the castle and Hunk is an effective accomplice.  Shiro just wants something to eat; he might not be ready for this.





	Humans Don't Hide It Well

**Author's Note:**

> // Rating has been adjusted because it's been pointed out that, even though no explicit activities happen in this chapter, there is reference to some mature topics. True. 
> 
> ///

“So... I've got a question for you two...” Setting a spoon down with a polite tink, Pidge sat up straight and made very clear eye contact with Keith. And then with Lance.

Both were seated at the usual dining table, having only just sat down for breakfast, Keith hadn't taken his first bite yet.  Next to Pidge, across from the other two, sat Hunk who then spoke up.

“Pidge, oh man, please could we not right now?”

“Hunk, it's not gonna just randomly come up in teamspeak during a battle. We've gotta just be direct and settle this.”

“But give it time, there's no rush…”

“Anyway, guys...” dismissing Hunk, Pidge turned back to the other two. “Remember the Obsidian mission? That time we were all ready to launch, but then had to just hang around on standby for like two vargas... THEN ended up postponing the whole mission because you two couldn't drag yourselves out of Keith’s bed?”

Keith looked up but made no comment, Lance blinked over a spoonful at each of the others.

Pidge continued, “That’s when you two first hooked up, yeah? Like, not just flirting anymore but you actually _made it a thing_ that night, right?”

Lance checked with a side glance in time to see Keith smirk up at Pidge, then back down at his food.

“Yeah...” Keith replied between bites, a nonchalant tone added the effect of ‘ _that's obvious, what's your real question_ ’.  Lance felt his pulse pick up as Keith added, “...So?”

“So who penetrated?”

Keith’s spoon hit the bowl with a loud clank and Hunk leaned forward, elbows on the table, both hands over his head.  Lance coughed to avoid choking, possibly with laughter, before he cleared his throat to counter.

“Okay, no, see, actually the night before that mission we didn't even-wha _-K-_ ** _KEITH?!_ ** ”

His sentence broke apart when he realized Keith was casually pointing a finger gun straight at him. Bang.

“YES! I knew it,” Pidge triumphantly claimed, “I win!”

“WIN?! W-were you two betting on--” Lance processed, Hunk sighed deeply.

“Man, really?  Wow, I thought for sure that Keith… mmmmn. ”

“You should've listened to me, Hunk, the logic behind my hypothesis was flawless.”

Keith spoke up, quiet but amused, “... _Hypothesis_ , huh?”

"Hee hee, yep!" Pidge was cheerfully ready to explain, “Hunk bet that you would top, even after I pointed out the obviously higher probability that Lance would penetrate. I mean, first of all we know Lance, right?  Sharpshooting defender of the universe and whatnot, but a COMPLETE jellyfish when it comes to flirting, am I right?”

Pidge flailed both arms to mimic having no backbone while impersonating Lance’s voice, to which Lance reacted exactly as a big brother should.

“OoOoh, look here comes a cute girl~ OoOh hey there’s a sexy guy~ I'm down for whatever though~”

“Shut up, I do not sound like that.”

“But you do act like that,” Hunk offered.

“I've actually heard you SAY that,” Keith finished.

“Secondly, we all know Keith, who is way more, let's say,  _precise_ about what he is down for...” Pidge added an exaggerated eyebrow wiggle that made both Keith and Hunk cringe. “I was pretty confident things would go his way.”

Lance questioned, “Okay, but how did you guess his way was _that way?”_

“I don't think ‘guess’ is the right word here...” Keith added with a cryptic smirk that silenced both Hunk and Lance for a moment.

Pidge also paused, then chuckled, “Alright, fine, I confess... I got some inside information.”

“You what?!” Hunk exclaimed, “You rigged the bet?! You cheater!!”

“I didn't RIG anything, I merely investigated -- it still could have gone either way!  It’s NOT cheating to go check out the horses before the race starts, hehehee...” Pidge slouched back deep into the chair cackling and Hunk could only hold an argumentative face for two ticks before he was giggling along.

“Heh, silly me, I forgot they were both such _studs..._ ” Hunk and Pidge both laughed harder.

"Hold up..." Lance remembered the device that rendered Hunk useless for half a day and a pang of jealousy could be heard in his voice.  “Pidge, how 'bout you explain how you _just so happened_ to discover what makes Keith pop the cork, huh?”

“Pfft-- Lance, really?  Do you think you're the only one who gets to read those magazines under his bed??”

Hunk and Keith both sighed, _ugh, that was low._ Lance blinked back, silent, clearly awaiting more details, and Pidge continued with a grin, 

“I've been studying Altean now too, so we share all kinds of reading materials and OUR conversations go deeper than just the pictures.”

Keith kept his eyes down on his own bowl, quickly filling his mouth before his smirk could turn into a laugh. Hunk reached a hand across to Lance’s shoulder.

“Dude, if it helps, I for one, have not seen Keith’s collection of porn.  Yet.”

“Oh come on, Lance. Don't hate, just get on my level, heheheh~”

Lance directed an annoyed pout toward Pidge, but in his mind decided _‘actually these two discussing erotic books would be really educational, maybe I can hide in a closet and watch._ ’

“I'm telling you, Pidge,” Hunk warned, over a spoonful. “One day when you need a sniper to cover your back, you're gonna regret bullying Lance all the time.”

“Naaah, he knows I'm teasing,” Pidge spoke between mouthfuls, "obviously his Spanish is still way better than my Altean." 

“Hunk, don’t worry about me,” Lance sat upright with a grin and announced, “After **all the noise** Keith made when I put my hands on him, I'm not the LEAST bit threatened by this half-pint~”

Keith closed both eyes tightly.

“Well, GOOD, ‘cause this half-pint’s not trying to put any hands on your emo boyfriend,” Pidge volleyed back, but then stopped short... “Oh. Although, wait, if it's for research, then I'd definitely make h--”

“NOPE! You won't--” Lance cut that off, dropping his fist onto the table once, then tapped one finger on the surface repeatedly. “Nooooo no no-- you won't make him do anything now, not even for science. I've got EXCLUSIVE rights to Keith singing, do you hear me?”

“Keith singing??” Hunk repeated without thinking, then covered his face, _ugh, Lance_.

Lance turned his attention back to the paladin of interest, who was eating, still looking away, pointedly ignoring where this conversation just went.

“Right, Keith? I think we established this already, but no one hits that spot except me now. Doesn't matter what gender or species, not even with appliances or toys. Not even YOU can touch it now unless I'm there to watch -- That's the deal, right??”

 **_“DUDE-LANCE--WHY'RE YOU LIKE THIS--_** ” Over the clatter of their cutlery Hunk and Pidge both burst into laughter and Keith fought it, trying to ignore them all, but their riot was contagious as usual. When he finally did look over, Lance shot a smile through all the mirth, directly to Keith, who melted on the inside.

Pidge interrupted, “Anyway, the point is I was right. **As usual.** ”

“...Oh man, I still can't believe you were the one to… well…” Hunk started a hand gesture but in an attempt to make it less obscene he ended up miming the number pad on a phone.

Lance grabbed Hunk by the wrist to interrupt, probably more embarrassed by how small and cute the motion.

“Dude, we’ve been friends forever. Why are you, of all people, shocked I would nail a hot guy?”

“I'm not shocked you did that, I'm shocked you did that _TO KEITH_ , because he… is… mm”

Hunk paused, trying to be careful about his word choice, and Keith glanced up, “...What? ...Not that hot?”

“Dude, no I--” Hunk began, but Pidge barked over him.

“Can it, Keith! It’s so obnoxious when attractive people pretend they're ugly.”

“Like you do all the ti-- _OW!_ ”

Pidge had apparently slid down enough to kick Keith under the table, “I'm allowed because I am a potato. YOU, on the other hand, get no sympathy, cub scout!”

“You look nothing like a po-- _WHAT?!” -- “HAHAHA! Yeah, I said it! Now what??” -- “...Keith, wh- are you blushing?!” -- “No! I’m… I’ll explain later…” -- “Uh oh, Lance, are you jealous? Better get on my level fast~"_

“ **G** **uys, I meant--** ” Hunk tried to organize a sentence while Keith and Pidge tried to kick each other out of their chairs. He opened and closed one fist a few times, then started over completely.

“Whatever, no secrets here anyway, I'm just gonna say it.”  Ignoring the others, Hunk turned to Lance.

“I know you, man and Keith is different from the girls and boys you tapped at parties back home.  I know the way you feel about Keith is... different.  PLUS I knew you had never done _that_ before so... well......"

"So you wagered I'd be too scared to pull the trigger, huh?"  Lance laughed, "I'll have you know I pulled it THREE times just last ni- _ **OW!**_ **_Keith,_  watch it that was my foot!**"

"I didn't doubt you, I just wagered that you wouldn't take it lightly and Keith would finally get impatient like ‘ _hey, bend over, we’re doing this NOW’_.”

At that, Keith locked up, which left him defenseless against Pidge kicking a few more times. When Pidge gave up, all three looked to Keith.

 

“Heh…”

“Um...?” Hunk turned to Lance for some clarification. “...Wait, whoa, so I was right?? Did Keith initiate?!”

“Well...” Lance paused; despite how casually he could converse about this topic, his chest and neck grew hotter as he recalled details: their conversation, their positions, how snugly Keith fit him in.

“ **Yes.** ”  Keith easily took responsibility, and Lance felt some blend of really embarrassed and totally beloved; he stayed quiet when his teammate turned to face him directly.

“Right?  I mean, you started something the first time you told me to take off my belt, but what Hunk is talking about, yes, I definitely started _that._   No way do I believe you would've gone there if I hadn't begged you to mount me.”

Like a gust of wind, both Pidge and Hunk were hit with the vivid image of Keith, frantic, heated, demanding it from Lance.  Somehow Pidge imagined it happening in Keith’s room, but Hunk visualized it in the locker room near the showers; meanwhile the dining room was quiet for just another beat before Lance replied.

 

“That's probably true...” Lance then raised his voice at Hunk and Pidge. “But you two are making it sound like now we have to wear labels that say ‘Pitcher’ and ‘Catcher’!”

Hunk looked to Pidge, who mirrored his puzzled expression. “Are we?  We didn't mean anything by it, though.  It's just a preference.”

“Exactly," Pidge shrugged, "Same as if I bet you'd order chocolate ice cream and Hunk bet you'd order strawberry.”

“GOOD! I'm glad we all agree," Lance asserted, "because it wasn't a serious decision or anything."  He let his voice fall noticeably lower in volume as he got closer to the end of his statement, "I mean, I like chocolate for sure, but I'm pretty sure... a-at some point, we'll probably... switch.”

With that said, Lance stuffed a heaping spoonful into his mouth, pretending he didn't notice both Pidge and Hunk blink expectantly over to Keith. Keith sat back in the chair, brows sliding up, lips spreading with a dark smile that struck just the right chord for Lance, _oh man_.

“...You think so, huh?” 

That voice made things worse, with a subtext exactly halfway between _'I'll take care of you'_ and _'you'll have to earn that'_.  Lance wrestled with the thought of receiving; maybe he was curious after he saw, and heard, how much Keith relished it.  However no conclusion was reached before he, Pidge and Keith all jumped -- startled when Hunk out of the blue exclaimed,

“ **YES! DO IT!**   Dude, then I'll be right too and the bet will be a DRAW!”

“No way, even if they switch, Lance penetrated first. I still win.”

“But the wager didn't specify ‘first’!  Your theory was that 'Lance will give and Keith will receive, because that's how those two are'... However, we have new information now! Lance just said he'd be open to receive, and obviously Keith likes the idea of giving, too, meaning your hypothesis can still be disproven!”

Pidge blinked back, formulating a rebuttal, but Hunk was all in, ready to salvage this loss.

“So Keith, dude, after training today instead of watching Lance spank it himself, how about you nail him to one of the walls in the showers?  I'm sure he'd be down for it, you both'll have a good time and we’ll all be settled by dinner... Everybody wins!”

 

Hunk expected the others to break into laughter, but neither Keith nor Lance said a word.  Even Pidge was silent and he realized something was strange, and he heard a shuffling sound just behind him.

“........” 

“...Okay, Shiro, I promise we’re NOT _always_ talking about this.  As a matter of fact we have deep conversations about things like sporks, too.” Lance held his lips in as straight a line as he could, but it was not very straight.

Hunk turned with a gasp, but followed Lance's lead to play smooth, “Hey, man! Yeah, actually we’ve cut down the frequency of these conversations a lot really. But you know how it is… first thing in the morning and all, we just… um… you know...”

Lance put his head down on the table, hiding his face in his arms, before he broke into giggles; Hunk struggled to keep stoic. Pidge leaned forward, elbows on the table, mouth covered, and may or may not have been the first to notice Shiro enter.

 

“As a matter of fact…” Shiro crossed the room to fill a bowl from the opposite counter and look for a spoon. “...I _do_ know how it is. I'm not here to judge, I just want something to eat.”

Hunk and Lance both took that as permission to stop trying to hold back. Lance whispered, almost wheezing, “pfffff Nice recovery, man-- ‘ _first thing in the morning_ ’? Really??” and Hunk covered his face with both hands.

“Guys, believe me,” Shiro’s voice was calm, probably not yet fully awake. “I'm not trying to walk in on anything like whatever you were just discussing… but I'd prefer to just avoid the showers sometimes if it means I don't have to pull my team through repression and unhealthy coping mechanisms.  There aren't many humans out here so _take care of each other_. I mean that.”

 

“Funny you should say that, because,” Pidge spoke up calmly, articulating each word clearly. “...the only five humans for a long, long ways are in this room right now. You are included.”

 

“I know,” Shiro inhaled quietly, replied tactfully, “and I’m taking care of myself, too. Pidge, we've talked about this already.”

“Well, we’ve talked about the arbitrary moral regulations of various cultures on a planet we may never see again, sure. But I don't think we've addressed taking care of our team leader in a way that makes sense yet.”

“What the cheese??” Lance looked around to notice Pidge keeping focus locked onto Shiro, Hunk and Keith both keeping their lips firmly together.  He lowered his voice, “What just happened to this conversation?” Lance turned to Keith who didn't speak, but replied by sliding one foot to brush against his leg under the table.

Pidge continued, “We’ve also talked about the probability of returning home, the variables affecting our current life expectancy, and the insignificance of ten or fifteen years, not even a blip in our present space time continuum--”

“But twelve years _or more_ is a HUGE portion of a human lifespan.” Shiro interrupted, firmly, but with a diplomatic tone. “We’re in space, far from home and in perilous situations, but that's not an acceptable excuse for taking advantage of a leadership role.”

Lance felt his face get warmer as he tried to decipher where this came from and where it was going, Hunk and Keith looked to each other. Keith slipped one hand under Lance’s elbow.

“Hey, we’re done eating. Let hit the training deck.” Keith stood, pulling Lance up with him. Hunk stood at the same time.

“Yeah, me too! Hey, I’ll join you guys!”

“Wah?!” Lance clearly didn't believe Hunk wanted to train right after eating. He glanced to Keith, who exchanged a look with Pidge.

“Remember, meet up on the bridge at 1400 vargas and go over the mission before we enter the next sector, okay?” This time when Shiro spoke his voice was much more awake; decisive as usual, like a coach, but his face a little softer than Lance expected. So. Weird.

 

Once the door had closed behind them, the primary-color paladins continued walking at a slightly-faster-than-normal pace away from that dining room. Keith held his mouth in a small pout, pinching his bottom lip.  Hunk dragged both hands down over his face and turned away from the other two, toward the corridor wall.

Lance kept up, walking between them, and was spooked when Hunk sprang back up, looked back the direction of the dining room behind them, and then shouted in whisper over to Keith as if passing notes in a classroom.

“HOLY QUIZNAK, DUDE, he JUST got out of bed and she's moving in for the K.O.! Oh man...”

“Uh, what does that--?”

“I did NOT see that coming yet... Do you think Phase Two is already complete? I haven't seen her alone since before the first chess match in his bunk.”

“Oh yeah, that's BEEN done.  Apparently she stayed in his room twice this week.  Guess it's almost time for the Final Boss.”

“I didn't really believe it could actually work, but...”

“EVERYBODY STOP.”

 

Lance halted in the corridor, planting his feet until the other two slowed to a stop in front of him.

“...Alright, you two cohorts, I need a recap here,” Lance crossed his arms, and put a look on his face to pretend he wasn't bothered by being left out. “ **What the _actual cheese_ is going on here?**”

Hunk and Keith exchanged looks, then Hunk started.

“Lance, don't take it personal.  I'm sure Pidge just... well, maybe this just isn't the kind of thing you chat with your big brother about, really…”

“Then why do YOU TWO know about it?!”

“Well obviously, Pidge told me because I'm her lab partner! And I'm sure she told Keith because he's the porn librarian!”

Keith shot a look of disbelief to Hunk, Lance bit his lip; Hunk, undeterred, continued.

“Okay, so the device Pidge created, right?  You know I helped test and quality control the final design.  You may not know, right after that Pidge approached Shiro about using it to relieve his own tension, but he shot down that idea immediately.”

“I heard that part later from Shiro, too.  Said he's completely against doing anything ‘intimate like that’ with anyone in the castle,” Keith added.

Lance interrupted, “Wait, no? I thought he was pulling up on Coran?  I'm gonna keep denying there's any possible way, but what about Allura??”

“Well, that's complicated but,” Hunk explained, “it's part of why Pidge started this operation. She suspects Shiro has been suppressing himself to ‘a dangerous extent’...”

Lance blurted out with a laugh, “And what, is Pidge the Freud of Voltron??”

"Yes," Hunk answered without pause, “Well, except with more data and less institutionalized misogynist bias. But otherwise, yes.”

Lance shrugged in agreement, “Okay, I’ll buy that Shiro is tense and probably frustrated... but if he doesn't want anything from us, what else is there to do?”

“I figured the same thing,” Keith took Lance by the elbow to start them walking again as he spoke with a slightly lower volume, “I felt like maybe Shiro sees us as a bunch of freshmen and just isn't turned on by any of us..."

Keith's tone of voice left that sentence to hang unfinished as the three of them kept walking.  After a beat Lance leaned in, lowering his volume to match. 

"...But you don't think that anymore...?"

"There are a lot of signs that Shiro would _appreciate the attention_ , if he didn't feel like it was ‘immoral’ to hook up with any of us."

Hunk chimed in agreement.  “Yep… once Pidge pointed out the evidence, I can't unsee it.  He acts like a teacher most of the time, but if we were all the same age, I think we'd see a whole different side to that guy.”  
 

As the three neared the doorway to the training deck, Lance gave the other two a hesitant look. 

“Guys, please assure me that Phase Three does NOT include tying him up and jerking him off, would you? Please??”

Hunk threw a backhanded slap to Lance’s shoulder, “ **LANCE, come on?!** Who here could even do that?!”

Keith smirked, a silent laugh, “Seriously, none of us can overpower Shiro ……. unless he wants that. I'm sure Pidge would go there if he asked.”

“I'm sure YOU would go there if he asked!” Lance was suddenly flustered, his mouth curved into a smile he couldn't hide, “Okay, okay, new rule! Any time you put your hands on Shiro, I need to be there, are we clear? Especially training and sparring!”

“ **LANCE! I'm n--! _T_** _ **h-** **this was not MY idea!!** ”_

“Anyway, Lance, listen so I can wrap up this recap, okay?” Hunk interrupted to distract from Keith turning pink, and counted on three fingers.

“First phase was to test the boundaries. Pidge tried a bunch of things to see how far they could get before Shiro would stop it. Second phase was to back off and identify each reason behind his boundaries. Then slowly move in again without conflicting those reasons, so he eventually he has no reason to resist it…  Last phase is to directly confront the reasons and break down the notion that he's somehow less human than the rest of us.”

“And that's been working??”

“So far, yes.  A while ago after they started playing chess matches in his bunk and Pidge _happened to_ fall asleep there, he didn't kick her out.  Using the data collected, Pidge has been adjusting tactics and slowly gotten him accustomed to being physically closer and touching more.  Apparently staying over all night and cuddling isn't off limits anymore...”

_“Holy crow…”_

"Who knows if it's  _that kind_ of cuddling or not, though.  This morning's updates ended up all about _you studs_ , heheh..." Hunk chuckled, "But I'd guess something went according to plan or Pidge wouldn't have swooped straight in just now."

 

Hunk watched the other two, speechless, and he laughed silently; Keith was still a little rosy in the face, but Lance didn't even notice as he silently tried to suppress the color in his own cheeks and ears.  

“Heh, so in short, Pidge is a sneaky bastard using science to break down Shiro’s moral resolve!  That doesn't surprise me but, dude, I can't believe you're helping!”

“Hey, man,” Hunk shrugged, “I tried to stop it at first, but honestly, Shiro said it himself. He doesn't want any of us to feel ashamed about being human, right? That should definitely include him."

Lance spoke with a tone as if confirming, again, that his slice of cake contained absolutely no gluten.  "And you know for sure she's not using hypnosis or something?"

Hunk didn't actually let his eyes roll, but it sounded that way "Even if she _were_ using hypnosis, that wouldn't manufacture a feeling he didn't already have in his subconscious."  Keith turned back to speak up.

"Actually, hypnosis isn't a bad idea. As long as it's not chemical, I'm in favor of whatever will help Shiro let go of the stress he's been through." Keith kept his gaze near the floor.  Lance noticed that, then glanced back up to Hunk, who replied.

"Plus I’m ready to abort the whole operation if he ever says he doesn't want the attention.  Yet here we are at Phase Three already.”

 

Keith blinked, as if his ears had perked up, “Are you saying out of all the times he's deflected advances... Shiro hasn't actually said no?”

Hunk nodded, “He says he _shouldn't_ , he says it's _inappropriate,_  he says it'll _cause trouble_ , but so far he has not once said he wouldn't like it nor that he didn't want it.”

Keith crossed his arms and a loaded silence filled the triangle between them.

 

Suddenly Hunk turned to leave. “But who knows! I guess we’ll hear about what happened later.  Have fun training, guys!”

"Thanks for the recap, man," Lance waved, Hunk returned a salute as he headed off.

“.......”  Keith quietly watched Hunk head down the hall, then looked to Lance. 

Until, from down the hall, Hunk shouted back over his shoulder.  

“And don't forget, Keith! In the showers! I'm counting on you!!”

**Author's Note:**

> // Why are Keith and Lance so ruffled up about Shiro? Fortunately, Lance will eventually speak his mind, which will get Keith to start talking by the time they're both ready to hit the showers.
> 
> /// Speaking of showers, things will likely get playful in the washroom... but what about Hunk's request? That may or may not require a side-story of its own... 
> 
> // a reminder: this entire series was written picturing everyone attended university before enlisting at Galaxy Garrison; which ages them all up from the show canon. Pidge is physically smaller, but in the same class as Lance and Hunk. Most importantly, ~~even if Shiro acts like they're all untouchably younger~~ no one was under 17 before leaving Earth! JSYK ٩( ᐛ )و ~~also, like Hunk said, it might not be THAT kid of cuddling...~~
> 
> //// I love this team. I know being trapped in space during an interstellar war lends itself to angst and drama, but I enjoy when they explore other topics. Hope you do too. Thanks for reading and sharing the fandom~


End file.
